Knots

I've been sleeping like crap lately. When my head hits the pillow it magically changes from "tired" to "endless loop of insanity."

I need a job. I've applied for twenty five, no one has called. Why did the state have to cut the budget? It seems unfair that I have busted my ass for two years to get a teaching certificate that will be useless when I DON'T GET HIRED. I do have that interview with Kaplan next week. They want me to audition. Audition? Jesus, I'm tired. Teach them something, anything. What do I know how to teach? I can't remember any of my good lessons. We could play beach volleyball, I did that in PE. That won't work. Maybe vocabulary. Maybe word questioning. I'm good at teaching words. I like words. I have to be dynamic and interesting. What kind of job is it anyway? Maybe I could teach them RAFT writing? A mock English lesson? No, definitely word questioning. I can't believe I forgot to take my vocabulary folder when I was at school yesterday getting stuff out of my classroom. Maybe I can go back on Friday. Nah, I'll just do an internet search for "creative vocabulary lessons." Kaplan will love me! Maybe. When would I teach? Is it flexible? What does it pay? Should we pull Will out of daycare? Waiting is taking forever. I wish I could sleep. SOMEONE GIVE ME A JOB. Today really sucked with Gus. I hope this PCIT works out. I hope I can remember how to like my kid again. I hate fighting with him. Why is he so angry and mean? He's FIVE. He's surly. I wish he was nicer to his brother. How long do I have until Superbaby wakes up? What did I do with my book? I was reading it the other day and it has ... disappeared. I can't believe I'm starting to resent time with Gus. It's never enough. He's NEVER happy with me. I should be sleeping. Why can't I sleep? I keep remembering that scene in American History X where the white supremacist guy makes the black guy put his teeth on the curb. God, that was awful. Why did I watch that movie anyway? I think I was there for a class. I have to stop watching violent things and reading the news. It stays with me. Like the DC sniper. Or the guy that gunned down a school full of innocent Amish children. SO TIRED. It's hot in here. I wish I could stop remembering horrible things. Maybe I should meditate. I need to open that meditation CD I bought three years ago. I could put it on my iPod and listen to it in bed. Maybe that would help me sleep. Is the front door locked? I have a bunch of work due in my online class next week. I should really get started. Power point presentations are so lame. I need to sleep. I wish I was sleeping. Why is this so hard? What am I going to teach those people at Kaplan? What if I screw it up?

See? Craziness.

Comments

[Jac]

Perhaps you need a trip to NC to clear your head!

[morgan]

Oh darling come up here for a visit!!!!! Oh how funny I just read that Jac wrote the same thing!!!!! You need to come see us up in NC. Bring that surely boy he will fit in great with social reject daughter.