DadaMama:

Dear Superbaby,

I'd like to congratulate you on your new set of skillz. At the tender age of seven months, you have discovered the magic of crawling AND pulling up. I'm very proud, I am, but (and I mean this nicely) STOP IT.

In the last week, you've fallen off the bed while trying to reach the alarm clock, crawled out into the kitchen and bonked your head on the tile, emptied the dog's water bowl, discovered the dishwasher, attempted to escape out the front door, and sat on the cat more times than he thinks is polite. You've also gamely attempted to ingest the following non-food items: 12 paper clips (individually), 2 marbles, a superball, 47 leaves, and 100,000 small bits of paper. Without you, I would not have known that a superball is exactly the right size to take up all the space in your mouth without actually being the right size to swallow. Superballs OF DOOM.

I thought I was being vigilant by carefully scanning the floor before putting you down to play, but you--YOU--are an exceptionally gifted debris magnet. I vacuum four or five times a week, I swear, and I've banished Legos from the living room. I even swept and mopped the kitchen tile. And yet, I regularly find myself picking up a baby who has a paper ball and a brittle leaf in his mouth and two handfuls of dog hair. I'm thinking about constructing a suit out of masking tape and just making you the floor cleaner. Who needs a Swiffer when you have a Superbaby?

The upshot of all this practice shoving things in your mouth is that now you think you can feed yourself. You're all, SCREW YOU, MOM I CAN DO IT MYSELF. I appreciate that, I do, I mean, you're just trying to help me out I'm sure--but need I remind you you're only seven months old? No matter how smart you think you are (and you do think you're Cambridge material), your little pincer grasp still needs some work. You do pretty well with your meat hooks, though. Just remember that I'm helping you because I care.

A few days ago you discovered standing in your crib. While this is a fabulous development because it's cute, it's not-so-fabulous that you think standing in your crib is the BEST THING EVER. Why sleep? I CAN STAND IN MY CRIB! Standing in the crib is also great because you can Reach Stuff. Stuff you never knew we had! Like Burt's Bees baby lotion! And baby shoes! And an entire basket full of diapers!

Here you are trying to use your extreme cuteness as a smokescreen. Instead of sleeping, you're preparing to stand up.

Almost there!

This next picture really highlights the evil glint in your eyes and the rakish look on your face.

That was hard work. Here you are stopping for a bite of your crib.

Goal accomplished. Now you can move on to your actual plan, which is TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. Fear the chins, people. Fear the chins.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was please stop growing up so fast. I'm really tired of pulling your brothers' toys out of your mouth (Lego Indiana Jones has a tiny Lego weapon and it's small enough to be delicious), and it's only been a couple of weeks. I know you think that if you learn to walk we'll get you a scooter for your birthday just like Will's, but you're wrong. So go sit down somewhere and forget that you learned to crawl.

Love,

Mama